There are two things I can count on my dad asking every time he calls me: “Is there anything I can do for you?” and “How’s the car?” I guess he asks what he can do for me because his dad (an air force officer) was never really there for him, and he’s determined to provide me with the support he lacked. During my youth he never missed a school play or softball game. In fact, he was so supportive that I sometimes longed for one of those dads who dressed better and cared less. But my dad would forever be the guy wearing shorts with dress shoes and black socks, cheering me on, expecting greatness.
His other standard question—How’s the car?—used to strike me as a waste of long-distance dollars from a man who once suggested making a list of what you want to talk about before calling someone out of state. What I now realize is that “How’s the car?” is not about the car. It’s a father’s way of asking his adult daughter how she is doing. The advantage is that if there’s something wrong with the car, he knows what to do about it and how much it will cost, whereas if you’re having problems about marriage or doubting a career choice, he might have to put Mom on the line.
At age thirty I finally took the plunge (跳进) into adulthood by renting a car without my dad’s help or advice. I’m sure my dad was hurt rather than proud. Though a daughter’s independence is evidence of a job well done, it still implies the job’s done, and many fathers are reluctant to retire. Even when my dad was overworked, he’d happily jump on a plane if I said I needed help. His frequent question “Is there anything I can do for you?” underlines the fact that he wishes there was still something he could provide. It’s interesting: even though we’re tied by blood and I love him no matter what, he still seems to need a concrete function—suggesting stocks, finding the cheapest plane fare—to feel he has a role in my life.
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